The Sun Shined (just for me)

As many of you know, I am now an engaged man. I am engaged to who I honestly believe to be the most amazing woman in the world, and I am serious about that. We got engaged on 1/16/10 at the beach in Dana Point where we had our first date. I read Ephesians 5:25-26 to her and explained how I want to be this man to her and will fight to do so. Now, before I go on I must set the context a bit, which is a bit ugly.

In February of 2008 I was preparing to ask a girl to marry me. I had spent hours in prayer about the situation and had a steady uneasiness about my decision, but I was trying to be Jesus to her and was quite disobedient by trying to do the work of the Holy Spirit instead of letting the Spirit do His job. So, I prayed a silly prayer asking God to give me a sign if I was not supposed to propose, even though I wasn't even sure if God gave signs at that time. To make a long story short, the weather had been beautiful until I prayed, then instantly turned dark out, poured hardcore rain, and I still asked. I instantly came down with my first ear infection ever, and was so dizzy that I was confined to my bed. Did I listen? Nope! After months of chaos and fighting, I forced the marriage and she divorced me 5 months later.

Back to the present time. I have been dating the most Godly, intelligent, funny, beautiful, real, secure woman I have ever met. We had been talking Scripture and talking for quite a few months and building a friendship. However, I knew she was going to be my wife. So, I spent months in prayer about whether I should propose or not, if the marriage would be honoring and glorifying to God, and other little prayers. No conviction or doubt came whatsoever.

So, driving to Dana Point the sky was covered with clouds. As we got near the spot where I was going to propose I asked God, because of my scars from the divorce, "Lord, can you bring the sun out while I ask her?" Can you do this as an extra bit of reassurance because of my prior disobedience?" As we pulled up to the beach, the sun shone through like no other and stayed that way throughout the whole proposal, amazing! The next day I stood worshipping the Lord in all His goodness and just wept at the love and grace He continuously shows to His repentant children.

In 9 months, on 10/17/10, Jennifer Marie Thomas will be my bride. This makes my heart so soft and humble. How amazing it will be to run this race with a partner who is passionate about sharing the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. I can be me without any worrying around my Jenny: I can serve Christ 100% without being laughed at, I can fart, laugh like a girl, eat BJ's buffalo pizza all day, watch 24 with her, and on and on and on!!!!

The sun shines so much brighter when you experience the darkness it saves you from. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jenny, and thank you friends and family (the ones who supported me and did not judge).

Lesson Learned

The other day, October 9th to be exact, I changed my relationship status to single on Facebook. I did not expect the flood of questions that came along with that. So, this is my attempt to answer those questions, share an honest story of disobedience, and explain an amazing lesson learned through trust and repentance.

As most of you know, I was married in August of 2008. What most of you do not know is the disobedience I had towards God and what lengths I went to to ignore His commands. To save time and typing, I was given the impression through lots of prayer and scripture reading that I was not to marry the girl I was dating. However, I wanted to be Jesus to a broken girl and despite the physical and verbal abuse that took place from and to both of us, I pushed forward. Many friends told me not to marry this individual, but I did. Her relationship with Jesus was not authentic, as far as scripture says, and I felt she pursued God through me, but I am a sinner and I soon showed to be imperfect and a sinner.

After some clear and extreme signs to not marry her came about, we married in August 08'. I loved like Christ loved the Church, I was willing to die for her. However, due to an abusive upbringing and lack of trust in men, I was soon pushed away and she chose other things over me. In February of 2009, I gave an ultimatum that would force her to choose me, or these "other things." She chose the other things. I humbly moved out and into a dining room where a kitchen table should be. 3 close brothers took me in and nurtured me, but I was not used to such love.

This break led to the most intense study of the atonement of Christ and what He did on the cross for me. I was broken and camped daily and nightly at the foot of the cross...but I was still blaming her and had a lot of anger and bitterness, so I kept studying!!!

God kept breaking me, over and over and over. I spent many days in tears, literally balling my eyes out and loudly weeping in confusion. I was more upset that God allowed it, not at her disobedience and unfaithfulness. Only the closest most trusted people in my life new. I somehow shoved it down while at school all day and still attained straight A's. Slowly over time, my roommates, some other close friends, my pastor, and my parents brought me to a place of unconditional love. I was loved!!!

I always judged those men in ministry who got divorced, "Did they not understand the sanctity of marriage?" A few months later I was served divorce papers and watched my wife return to the lifestyle of her past. I fought for this marriage, like no other. But we have a sovereign God who knows all, and while some might disagree, this was His will for me. It was a lesson and discipline of my disobedience. The blame must not be put on her for this, but on me alone!

If it was not for this all taking place, the cross would not be as glorious as it is to me, I would not have the lenses I have now for a equally "gospel-lensed" woman, and I would not know the extreme call of obedience to holiness God requires of us!!! I was transformed!!!

So what now??? I am a man who loves Jesus like no other. I am finishing my last year of my undergraduate degree, preparing to move to Dallas for seminary, and have my eyes fixed on a gospel-lensed woman!!!

I am healed!!! I am loved!!! I am a vessel of honorable use when I was heading towards a path of being of dishonorable use. Thanks for all the questions and concern...this is me now!!!