Terrified!!

Man!! It was about 2 years ago now that I was called to be a pastor. Not for one second do I doubt the calling but boy do I doubt myself. I know God uses us the way he wants and I believe that my pride has got in the way of that. I was watching a podcast tonight with 3 of my favorite pastors: Mark Driscoll, John Piper, and Matt Chandler. I really try to learn from these guys because I see something in all of them that I see in me, rough edges. 

I am feeling so convicted right now about my disgusting lack of obedience since my calling. Sure, I was obedient and quit my high paying job to go to school to be a pastor, but I think I thought that was enough! However, I have failed in almost all characteristics a Christ follower should have: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Nope, I am far from all of those. I have rode my calling like a wave and forgot to discipline and shape myself in not only Christ's image, but who he wants me to be.

Truth: I am completely terrified! I am terrified that I will preach a gospel that is not worthy of preaching. I am terrified that I will continue to measure myself to others and not rely on  a Almighty God who will do with me what He wants. I know hardly anything about the Bible and that terrifies me. I love the Bible more than any other book, music, movie, but I am scared I will not understand it well enough to preach it. I am terrified that I will not be a good husband, father, son, friend, pastor. I want to have a heart that loves but it seems to be miles away from the confines of my chest. I treat my fiance bad, I treat my friends bad, I am terrified. 

Maybe this is the Spirit stirring my bones and breaking me to the point where I have to change. I hope so! I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Rom. 8:18). I apologize to everyone I have treated wrong, please forgive me. I AM TERRIFIED!!

Sitting Shiva!

"Sitting what" you might ask? Sitting shiva is a old Jewish custom where family and sometimes friends sit with a person who just lost a loved one. They just sit! They just love that person. If they need listening, they listen. If they need advice, they get it. How amazing!

This concept is amazing to me because in a culture like ours, America, where the average 
man says 20,000 words a day and a woman says 30,000, we sometimes forget to listen. 
James 1:19 says we should be quick to listen, slow to speak...

My dear friend Jon Herrman’s grandpa has had a severe stroke. As he talked to me and another friend Roberto, he told us he could not be a part of our church because he wanted to spend time with his grandpa before he passed. That was completely understandable but what I heard next out of Jon’s mouth caused some deep emotions to stir inside of me. He said to me, " Wes, my opa cannot really talk, move, or respond too much but I just want to be there with him." Man! What an amazing thought, Jon just wants to share the suffering with his opa. He wants to sit shiva with him. Not sure of his opa’s salvation, Jon is not preaching hell and fire to him but instead praying and sharing the burden. So awesome!!

In the book of Job, the very Godly man Job has just lost everything. I mean his possessions, sons and daughters, he was inflicted with sores from head to toe, and a very unsupportive wife. Job was far past his breaking point and then his 3 friends cruise up and see him emotionally torn. Do they start telling him how to fix his life, or it will get better? Nope, they wept aloud with him and sat 7 days and nights without speaking a word. They were sitting shiva. 
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I think we can all learn from this. It is not a Scripturally taken idea but a Jewish tradition. I know I need to learn from Jon and listen to people’s struggles, problems, addictions and just sit shiva.